Gobble Gobble ****An Update in the Life of Jennifer****

I went to Anson, Texas (a town not far from Abilene) to my parent's house for Thanksgiving.  I am really glad to be back in Austin.  I love mom and dad, but definitely don't love Anson.  My mom own's an antique mall there.  Her mall is pretty neat and often there are neat things to see (and sometimes buy).  I also got to hang out with my buddy and new blog partner Scott for a bit.  His family also lives in Anson so he understands! 

The whole family went to the zoo on Saturday.  It's not very big, but the kids really enjoyed it and they fed the giraffes.  There are two of them and they come right up to you.  Julien about freaked out when a long giraffe tongue came shooting out to eat the cracker.  Arden, being the animal nut that she is, also enjoyed it.

We finally got a house after over a year of selling one house, Voodoo Rental House and trying to get another house.  We are moving in this week.  The fridge was delivered today and the movers will be here on Wednesday to move the big items.  We are moving everything else ourselves and so far have gotten quite a bit done. 


This is short and semi-sweet, but bed time it is (so says Yoda).  I only have a couple of weeks left of school for this semester and then I'm freeeee!!  Ok, well I'm free for about a month anyhow until Spring semester starts!  Talk to everyone soon!!  Oh, and I promise Voodoo House will be finished! (eventually.....)

All the Energy in the World *****An Update in the Life of Jennifer*****

Yes, it's been a long time since I've posted anything anywhere.  As the semester winds down I get even busier than usual with various tests and papers.  Also, we are in the process of moving into a new house.  We close on Wednesday.  It's been over a year since we started the process of selling our old house and buying a new one.  This all started right when the economy started to take a dive and it's been quite the rollercoaster ride.  I have absolutely no intention of doing that again any time in the near future.  Also, I have vowed to have no excitement until the papers are signed and I have keys in my hand. 

I recently discovered that I have an auto-immune disease called pernicious anemia.  Apparently at some point a gene got switched on that caused my stomach cells to start attacking one another, destroying the lining that produces intrinsic factor, thus making my body unable to absorb B12 through food or vitamin supplements.  I will now need B12 shots for the rest of my life at least once a month.  It has been a long journey to arrive at this diagnosis.  I have been, for years, becoming more and more tired in my every day life.  Even with all the stuff I have going on, I felt I was unreasonably tired.  I also was having a lot of joint pain and had developed sciatica.  I had pleurisy not too long ago as well.  My doctor had said they could find nothing wrong with me, but that they may consider testing me for Lupus.  However, no test was ever done and I continued to feel worse and worse.  People were telling me that it was either stress or just all in my head.  I started to think perhaps I was going crazy.  I finally decided that I needed to find someone who could tell me what was wrong with me because I KNEW that what I was feeling was not normal.  I went to an internist because I have always read that they are the best diagnostic doctors.  The internist immediately saw that I had a low white cell count in my last blood test done by my primary care doctor and so she took 8 vials of my blood and ran all kinds of tests.  They discovered the B12 deficiency, so they ran a couple of other tests and discovered that in fact I will never be able to absorb B12 normally.  I had no idea this condition even existed.

We usually think of anemia as being a condition in which our blood is lacking iron and where we have a low red cell count.  This type of anemia is not like that.  My red cells are not healthy because they are lacking in oxygen due to the low B12.  It causes fatigue and also starts to cause nerve damage (thus the sciatica and joint pain and the tingling I get in my fingers and toes), which may or may not ever get better.  The fatigue though will (hopefully) be much better once I start treatment.  I truly felt vindicated when I got the diagnosis.  I am not happy that I have a disease, but it is treatable and THAT I am happy for and I am happy that it is not a much worse disease.  It is unlikely that I have Lupus as the tests that they did for that condition came up negative for me, and 90% of people with Lupus come up positive on those tests. 

That's what has been going on with me.  I start treatment next week the day before closing on my house.  Busy, busy schedule!  I hope everyone has a fabulous Thanksgiving holiday.  Also, I promise to write more on Voodoo House once things slow down! 

Spookiness, Another Foot in the Grave & A Race ***An Update in the Life of Jennifer****

Well I will make this short and sweet because i am EXHAUSTED.  Friday night we did the trick or treat thing and then downtown we went with my very good friend M'Lissa and her husband.  This was a combined Halloween and birthday celebration for me.  Paul and I went as Demented Alice in Wonderland and Demented Mad Hatter.  We were out until 4:30 AM and I had to get up at 8 AM to get ready and be at a birthday party for my niece and nephew.  My mom was in town and she and I then went shopping for my birthday.  This morning I got up and went downtown with my friend Kelly and my daughter and we participated in the Race for the Cure.  It was a 5K and while we did not run it, it was a very long and tiring walk, but it was fun nonetheless.  It was nice to see so many people involved for a common cause.  Now I am quite tired and I am ready to pass out.  Another work week starts tomorrow.  Oh, here are some pictures from Halloween!

Ground Control to Major Tom....

Well, so I finally picked a costume!!  I have chosen to be a demented version of Alice in Wonderland.  For those of you who ever played the video game "Alice," it's kind of like that with my own little spin.  I'm very excited.  I haven't gotten to go out for good Halloween fun in several years.  Usually it is trick or treating with the kids and then home, but this year no.  It's on Friday and the next day is my birthday, thus I'm going full out!  Paul is going to be a demented version of the Mad Hatter.  I decided that would be appropriate given my Alice.  I will take the kids trick or treating and then my mom will babysit them for me as I go out and introduce the world to my own version of Alice! Hopefully the temperature cooperates. :) 

(Misguided) Pride of the South - The Sequel

Well I have an answer to my question posed in my previous blog found here.  Who would buy such a ring as this?  Well, so it seems I have had several hits on my page from people in Virginia and Florida who found my page by running a Google search for this ring.  I am honestly not trying to be offensive, but seriously, do they understand the symbolism of this ring?  Yes, yes.  I'm sitting in front of my computer shaking my head as I type....

Insert Comical Title Here ****An Update in the Life of Jennifer*****

Well hello there my Blogger friends.  It's been awhile since I gave an update on myself.   I'm sure you are all on the edge of your seats. :P  Apparently the humor has left me.  I can usually come up with at least some sort of humerous or at least midly humorous title to put on these things, but that's the best I've got for today.  I'm getting old apparently.  I guess it happens to all of us, but for some reason I'm just constantly exhausted and thus I feel like an old lady.  Sadly, though it's been awhile since I actually gave an update on myself, I have nothing very interesting to say.  I'm still trying to move out of the Voodoo House, though I promise that I will pick up the story where I left off and put out new material as soon as I have time.  It's very hard to write for pleasure when school is in session. :)  I have plenty of material from my time here, plus plenty of invented material that I should be able to put together a fairly entertaining story.  I need a new picture for my profile.  That one is so old and I am horrible in all photos.  Any ideas for interesting photos?  Lay 'em on me. 

I'm trying to decide what to be for Halloween.  Yes at 28 (29 in about 10 days) I still feel the need to dress up.  I think Halloween is just the best holiday of the year.  Dressing up and letting one of your alter egos loose for the night is always fun, well provided your alter ego isn't completely psycho.  I don't think any of mine are...well not yet anyhow lol.  I want to go out one night and hit several of the haunted houses around town.  I've been to some of them in years past.  I haven't been impressed by most of the ones I have been able to get to; however, I've seen a few that seemed promising.  Anyone else out there been to any here and been truly scared?

I'm finding it hard not to comment on politics here; however, I am trying to save all of that material strictly for my commentary blog.  It's hard to hold back though since it is just so easy to find material right now.  Must fight urge to type...Palin....moron...ok, it's out of my system...for now.

My Yoga class is good.  In about 11 days I'll be doing the Race for the Cure downtown.   I'm still begging for people to contribute to me (see previous blog), so if you can and/or want to, support finding the cure by being a donor for me!! 

That's it for now!  Pele out :P

Race for the Cure

I am going to participate in this year's 5K Race for the Cure that will benefit the Susan Komen Foundation. 

If at all possible, please go to this page and make a donation to support me in this race!  I'm going to have my daughter walk it with me (I am not competing in the timed race of course). 

Breast cancer is something that has always been there and always a concern to me, but it has become very personal with a friend's diagnosis at a young age with breast cancer.  Understand that breast cancer affects 1 in 7 women at some point in their life.  We tend to think of it as older women, but my friend is in her early 30s, which is becoming more and more common.  Your support is much appreciated!

Haiti and the Hurricanes

A few posts back, I posted a poem and some commentary on the situation in Haiti.  It's been bad for quite some time with all the children being used as currency and the difficulties of being a third world country, but having been struck by multiple tropical events this summer, the country is devastated.  I found this article today that was written by Mia Farrow who recently visited the country.  The country is far from recovered....

Exhaustion ****An Update in the Life of Jennifer*****

I haven't written anything lately about what's going on in my own life, so for those of you who read my blog to keep up with me since I'm always too busy to actually see anyone, I figured I'd take a minute to update. For those of you who hadn't heard, we had a hurricane down here in Texas. Though it didn't really do anything here in Austin, it did fairly significant damage down in the Houston/Galveston area. This will be a mess we will be cleaning up for quite some time. Those of you who know me know that I work at an insurance company as a technician. I support claim handlers and thus if claims is busy, I'm busy. We spent a good portion of last week training adjusters to go out in the field and other miscellaneous odds and ends that have to be taken care of when we have a loss of this magnitude. I worked 23 hours of overtime last week. Things are silghtly more normal this week now that most of the initial set up is over.

I had two tests this week for school. That was difficult since I didn't have much time to study. I did very well on one of the two tests and still don't know yet about the second one. I'm enjoying my classes. Getting more flexible with Yoga! I am considering joining the Psychology Association at school. I know I am already thin on time, but it is relevant to my major and I really enjoy psych.

I am needing to get new pictures of myself. I hate all my pictures. None of them really look like me.....

Anyhow, I have nothing interesting to say about myself, so that's about it for now. I'll be writing more Voodoo Rental House of Horrors stuff when I get the chance. I'm still writing commentary and poetry as well. :)

(Misguided) Pride of the South

I checked my mail today.  I hadn't checked it all week long having been busy working extra hours to help get our operation set up and running for Hurricane Ike.  As usual, it was full of junk mail, bills, more junk mail, and a few things that I'm actually interested in.  I noticed a note card sized card fall out of my stack.  I knew it was junk mail, but since I don't leave trash on the ground I picked it up intending to throw it away when I got home.  Then my eye caught what it was and I stood and looked at it for a moment in utter astonishment.  It was one of those commemorative sales cards we all get occassionaly and most of us give it a glance and off to the trash it goes.  The reason this particular one made me stop in astonishment was because it was in fact a "Pride of the South Civil War Commemorative Ring."  WHAT?!  I have attached a picture of said ring to this post for your amusement (and/or astonishment).  You'll notice by the picture that it is covered in the confederate flag, has an engraving that says "Pride of the South" on the inside of the ring, and proudly states that the C.S.A. existed from 1861 to 1865.  This bothers me on multiple levels.  First, I see no reason why we should have a ring or any other item commemorating the war that had brother fighting brother in our own country stemed largely (but not solely) on whether or not it was OK to keep other human beings as slaves.  To me, this is a symbol of inequality and hatred.  Second, the south did not win the war!!  History lesson:  the Union won, the southern states were brought back into the union and the horrible painful process of reconstruction began.  Third, the Civil War was a bloody, horrible war fought mainly by the poor and I see no reason to glorify it.  And so finally, congratulations to whomever decides to buy this redneck symbol of hatred.  You'll leave the same words running through the minds of just about every rational person you come across:  "stupid redneck."  Thanks for making America proud! 

 

Look Ma, it's the POS Ring!

In Need of Help...

I'm going to be very serious for a moment.  We are all very concerned for the safety of those in our country being affected by the hurricane, but I want to take a minute to write about some other areas that have been devastated by them.  Haiti has been especially ravaged by hurricanes this season.  I saw some very heartbreaking photos of the dead, which included large numbers of children, and was brought to tears.  I won't post the link for the photos because it truly was horrific.  We live in a country, that despite its needed reforms, provides quite a lot of aid to those in need, and where the over all population lives better than some of the wealthiest individuals in poorer countries.  I wrote this poem after seeing these pictures.  I was also thinking of all those who die on a regular basis in the Congo and various other parts of the world with similar problems.  I think we all need to think about what this means not to just America as a country, but to all of us as a human race.  I am placing a link to UNICEF here.  Please donate what you can, when you can to their cause. 

Head Injury & A Hurricane

Today my son sustained a head injury while out playing at daycare. It wasn't terrible, but it was bad enough that he had to go to the ER and they glued the wound shut to stop the bleeding and help it heal. It was pretty deep, but not very wide thank goodness. He apparently tripped and fell on the playground, hitting his head on a concrete slab with an exposed edge. He also had several bruises where he hit the concrete and the rocks that are around it. He is doing pretty well and it definitely could have been worse.

Apparently Hurricane Ike is bearing down on us here in Texas. Fortunately for those of us in Austin, we are fairly far inland; however, it appears the storm is going to hit as a category 4 storm. It will devastate the coast near Corpus Christi if that's the case and it will likely come up through San Antonio as a category 2 in that scenario and probably a category 1 through Austin. I figure that we will likely have either a cat 1 hurricane or a tropical storm here in Austin this weekend. I'm not really panicked about it because I don't think it will cause enough damage here in our area to shut down the entire city and all the suburbs for any extended period of time, though I do think it is possible that we could be without power for a short time. I am waiting to see how many people completely panic and go out and buy up all the bread, water, batteries, canned goods, etc. in anticipation of the storm. I don't think it hurts to buy SOME stuff just in case for any temporary power outage, but I just don't see it being a catastrophic event in Austin. It will; however, be catastrophic to the coast if it hits at that strength. We shall see. There is still enough time for the path of the storm to alter considerably before it hits. But don't panic people!!!! Paranoia and panic will not save you. Oh...and this is a very neat storm tracking site called stormpulse.

Yoga Class - Part Deux

Well today was the second Yoga class for the semester.  Believe it or not actually did this pose.  I wasn't aware I was even flexible enough to do that pose.  Anyhow, I enjoyed it.  2 1/2 hours is still quite a lot of Yoga in one sitting, but I think I'll get used to it.  I'll be a lean, mean Yoga machine...or something like that. 

I'm rather tired.   Seems I'm always tired these days.  I don't sleep very well, perhaps 4 hours a night most nights.  Ah well.  I don't have anything overly interesting to say here at this moment, but I have blogged on my commentary site this weekend. 

Au revoir for now!

My First Night at Texas State

In the event that anyone still reads my blog, I thought I'd say a few words about my first night at Texas State.  I loved the class.  It is going to be very interesting and very applicable to my field.  I felt pretty smart when I could answer questions and respond in the classroom interaction and actually have input that the professor liked.  She is a PhD in Psychology and I feel very good that she thought my input was valid.  The class did get very long though.  It was of no fault of the professor.  It's just a long class since it starts at 6:30 and does not end until 9:15.  I got my student ID today also.  This is the result of the  3 pictures that had to be taken back at orientation in order to get a good one.  I'm smiling so I guess that's good.  I just think I'm not very photogenic is all.  I met some interesting people, including a guy who is currently a journalist of some sort.  I'm going to have to ask him more about that because I enjoy writing and journalism is very interesting to me.  I'd like to know what sort of journalism he does.  There was also a lady who was a pediatric nurse for 20 years and she seemed like a very interesting woman also.  I think I must be a complete and total dork.  I love school.  I could go to school for the rest of my life if I had the time and money. 

Yoga - The Day After!

Well it's the day after my first Yoga class.  It's odd because the only place i'm really sore is my shoulders and shoulder blades.  I actually thought my knees would be sore because there were several poses which required more stiff knee action.  I don't have very good knees so I thought it would be bad.  The pain isn't horrible, but there nonetheless.  I still don't feel that well, but I really have to go to work tomorrow.  I have too much stuff to do.  Also, tomorrow will be the first day of my Abnormal Psych class at Texas State.  It is a long class.  It starts at 6:30 and doesn't end until 9:15.  Look out!  I'll be able to analyze all of your abnormal behavior very soon! 

I've been bloging like crazy this weekend.  I have nothing else to do.  I'm sick and bored.  I tried to go bowling today.  I made it through one game before feeling ill.  My son was enjoying himself by spinning on the floor.  He has this weird obsession with spinning on his butt on wood floors.  I have no idea why.  Anyhow, I have added another piece of the VRHH story, more poetry and some more of my two cents worth of opinions. 

Yoga Class and the Evil Empire

Today was my first day of Yoga class for my Kinesiology credit towards my B.S.  I have a bit of a stomach thing going on so it was the longest 2 1/2 hours of my life.  I think I am really going to enjoy the class, but all i could think today was "get me out of here!!!"  It is  a good thing i decided to tough it out and go because apparently each Sunday class is worth two regular classes (since it only meets once a week) and thus I would have reduced my grade down to a 90 just by missing class today.  There was a good variety of people there including 4 guys, one of whom was obviously gay (not that there's anything wrong with that).  One was there obviously for his girlfriend who was in the class with him.  Another of the guys was a very thin, very blonde headed guy who didn't say much.  His mat was right next to mine and he was just really quiet.  The other guy was one who had been in the class before.  He was a very athletic looking Hispanic guy.  As far as the girls went, there was a variety of younger and older, thin and heavy.  The instructor was a short thing lady, probably in her late 40s, early 50s.  She is very in to Yoga and has even been to India to study.  She was very enthusiastic and we start every class off by sitting crosslegged and looking inward.  At the end of this period of reflection, she chants "aum" 3 times (that would be Om to most of us, but that's how it is spelled in the Yoga books).  At the end we do something similar and she says "namaste."  Some of the poses were a little difficult, especially when you don't feel good, but all in all I didn't do too bad.  The girl next to me, a slightly heavy woman, actually fell during one of the poses.  I was a little concerned I might be next and then I would be horrified.  I think next Sunday will be great when I'm feeling better and have my own mat (forgot to bring my mat and had to use one of the ones belonging to the school.  icky.). 

Now, on to the Evil Empire.  Those of you who know me are aware that I think Wal Mart is the Evil Empire and I never set foot in that store unless under extraordinary circumstances.  Well today I did something I'm not proud of.  I went to the Evil Empire.  Of course it reminded me of why I hate the Evil Empire.  My daughter has a school project and I needed some fabric and didn't have time, or energy for that matter, to drive to a crafts store.  I had already been to Target and got almost everything I needed, but I still needed some fabric and some ribbon.  I discovered after searching around for awhile that Wal Mart didn't have any fabric.  They used to carry more crafts stuff than I could find unless it was in some super secret location that I couldn't find.  I found a really cheap curtain panel that would work for the  purpose and I did find some ribbon.  Next I realized I had forgotten to get photo paper at Target.  I was a little surprised to find that Wal Mart locks their photo paper up in a cabinet.  Good luck finding someone at Wal Mart to open a cabinet.  At this time it's too late to go anywhere else, so I decide that if I don't have any at home, I'll be printing the photos for her project on regular paper.  Oh well, such is life.  So now it will be fun with glitter paint, glitter glue, hot glue, ribbons, fabric, stickers, pictures, beads, etc. 

On another note I have taught my son to throw his head back and say "Mwahahahaha."  It's rather funny. 

Feeling Icky...***An Update in the Life of Jennifer***

Today I am apparently sick...again.  Some sort of stomach virus so it seems.  I'm supposed to start Yoga tomorrow at Northridge in the afternoon so I'd better feel well by then!!!  My brother went to his heart doctor last week for a follow up since his heart attack.  Of course he will need to be monitored regularly, but for now they are doing blood tests and lowering his BP meds because apparently his dose had dropped it too far down.

I wonder what the first  Yoga class will be like.  It should be interesting.  The only Yoga I've ever done has been on my own so it will be interesting to be in a classroom setting.  I'll probably find out that I've been doing it all wrong. :)

I have had questions as to whether or not I am in fact naked in my profile picture (dirty dirty people).  Yes I am, but no the picture is not of my entire body and no you may not see the full picture. :P

Poem

I am not posting this on my poetry page since it is a Sylvia Plath poem and I am reserving the Poetry page for my own work.  When I read this poem I think of loves in my life gone away.  I read this and I know exactly what she was feeling when she wrote it. 


Mad Girl's Love Song by Sylvia Plath:

'I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)'

Sylvia Plath"

Nail Polish Remover is the Devil ***An Update in the Life of Jennifer

I consider myself to be an intelligent individual; however, tonight I did something rather stupid.  I managed to get nail polish remover in my eye.  It was a freak accident.  The little swab I was using to take the nail polish off had a little excess on it and when I went to use it, a bit splashed into my right eye and into my mouth.  My eye started burning like fire.  I had my contacts in, so I pulled that out first thing and threw it away as it probably was ruined.  Then I flushed my eye out with cold water for several minutes and the burning stopped; however, the feeling of sand in my eye remained.  I then used eye drops for several minutes just letting it rinse out my eye some more and hopefully lubricate it.  My eye is still irritated pretty badly and red, but it feels better.  It is now my opinion that nail polish remover is the devil.  The things women do in the name of beauty!!! 

Aside from that, today was my daughter's first day of school.  It seemed to go well and she is tired out and already asleep!  This is the  child who we put in bed every night at 9:00 and we can still hear her up in her room late at night.  We go up several times a night to tell her to lay down.  She is a night owl.  I will be back to work tomorrow with tons of stuff waiting for my return.  That's the problem with taking time off work.  The work keeps coming even when you are gone!  So you go back and it's all still there, plus some, waiting for you.  My school also started today.  I don't have any classes today, not ones where I need to go in to campus, and I had already started my online class over a week ago, so not much action on that front as of yet.  I took pictures of the kids (my daughter and her two cousins who are twins) before school today.  It's hard to believe they are already in school.  Time flies when you start working 5 days a week every year.  It seems like you go to work, come home, do all your chores and get a bit of rest in (maybe) and do it over again the next day until the weekend comes, when you may get to do a few fun things, but otherwise you have to finish stuff you couldn't get done in the week.  So, basically time starts flying when you become an adult! :)

I watched most of the Olympics, so now that they are done with, I find myself wondering what I watched before that.  Of course, I'm quickly remembering.  I watched another re-run of The Big Bang Theory tonight.  I didn't watch that show initially, but now that I've started watching it, I am pretty hooked.  It is quite funny. 

Well, that is it for now. 

VRHH - Chapter 3 Preview Posted

'Nuff said. 

The Blues

Well the time has finally come for my daughter to start Kindergarten.  I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, but to me it is a symbol of her growing independence (yes i DO see a symbol in almost everything).  It also marks the first of her school years, which we all know fly by before our eyes.  It is funny what events seem to trigger these thoughts.  I signed her up for school.  I bought her school supplies.  I even took her to meet her teacher last night at a little orientation.  But the thing that set me off today was simple:  Her last day of preschool.  Sure she'll be going to the same daycare for after school care, but today was the day they had their going away celebration.  I was not able to attend the celebration, but it wasn't the celebration itself that did it to me.  No, it was about 45 minutes ago that my daughter did something that got me.  We were standing outside, looking at some flowers when she goes to her daddy's car telling me she has something to show me.  She opens the door and goes inside and pops back out a couple of seconds later.  In her hands is the "About Me" poster that has hung in her various rooms at daycare since she was about 2 years old.  On it are pictures of her with me, with her cousins, with her dad and just her all by herself.  I am looking at those pictures, never to be hung on the daycare wall again, and realize also that she'll never be that age again.  I know that kids grow up, people get older, people die, but knowing that and sometimes being actually aware of it are two different things. 

I am sure that her years in school will be good for her.  I also know that it will be nice to one day not have to be so tied down as you are when you are the parent of small children, but nonetheless, it is hard to watch them, right before your eyes in what seems like the blink of an eye, grow up and start becoming their own person.  I am sure I'll go through it all again when my son grows up, but I guess that's just part of being a mother.  You have the bittersweet experience of watching the baby you held in your arms, tiny and helpless, grow into an independent adult.  All we can hope is that we've given them the tools and the skills to make their lives into what they want them to be and the rest is up to them. 

Here's to all the moms out there who see their child moving on to this next phase of life and feel a little helpless.  We are somewhat helpless in the game of life, but it is still what we make it and our children are a product of our experiences and their own. 

Update

Well my brother got lucky.  It turns out the heart attack left only minor damage on his heart.  He did have an artery that was 100% clogged.  They put a stent in it and told him that he can fly home on Thursday.  He is then immediately to go see a heart doctor.  Hopefully the stent will be all that is necessary.  We were worried about the flight; however, he assures us that they have him on blood thinners to prevent clots.  I spoke to him today on the phone and he says he feels good.  I told him that he needs to lessen the stress in his life and take his meds.  He sounded good, but we will all feel better when he is back home in Texas and done with that 12 hour flight.  Also, when he is back in Texas if anything goes wrong we are better able to respond than with him being in Hawaii.  There is some international travel for his job, so fortunately he wasn't out of the country when this happened. 

I realize that this was a wake up call for him and definitely a close call incident.  I usually try to find meaning in almost everything and/or a lesson.  There are many things to take from this, but I will say this:  If you love someone, you need to tell them and make sure they know.  You never know when something like this is going to happen to you.  There aren't always warning signs and there isn't always time for last words.  I know this is somewhat of a theme in my writing, but I believe in it very strongly.  Events in my life continue to reaffirm this belief. 

There are people who read my blog who I know and some that I don't know.  To those of you readers that I know and love, I want you to know that I love you and I hope you know that I love you and will always love you no matter what is done or said between us.  For those readers who I don't know, make sure you tell the people you love how you feel.  Don't wait for something bad to happen.  Don't wait until it is too late.  If there is someone you love who doesn't know (or if you aren't sure they know) that you love them, there is no time like the present.  Get up and call them, or go to them right now and let them know. 

Perspective

I learned today that my brother, who is only 34 years old, has had a heart attack.  He and my niece and his new wife and her family were in Hawaii on vacation when he started having numbness and tingling in his arms while swimming.  It continued to progress at which time his wife took him to the emergency room.  He was in fact having a heart attack.  My niece is there with none of her family.  She doesn't really know the new wife and her family very well.  My brother is having very invasive surgical type testing done and so we don't know his prognosis at this time or what their course of treatment will be.  He is stable, which is the good news, and the ultrasound shows minimal damage as far as they can tell, but they don't really know anything yet.  All of the tests they are having to do are invasive and always risky.  Not only that, but he is in Hawaii, so we are all very concerned about what will happen when he is released (whenever that may be) as far as air travel.  We are really hoping they will air lift him to California or something with medical teams on board and then whenever it is safe for him to travel, the flight back to Texas would be much shorter, thus decreasing the risk of blood clots (generally it isn't good to spend time inactive in the hospital and then spend however many hours inactive on a plane).  My 13 year old niece is completely freaked out and there is nothing I can do for her other than talk to her.

I hadn't spoken to my brother in a few months after a dispute (family dispute over something silly of course that seemed like a big deal to him, but to the rest of us didn't seem worth the fight).  This is one of those times where I feel like a hypocrite because I always say how important it is to make sure that the people you love know you love them before it is too late and now here I am, my brother having a close call, and I hadn't spoken to him in a few months.

I have nothing else that I can do or say at this moment.  This has not been a good year.

Thinking...

Thinking on the same lines as yesterday of disconnecting and reconnecting....I got to thinking about loss and what we would do differently if we knew that the last time with someone was the last time. I wrote this poem as I thought about it.

I know we can't dwell on loss and what the future brings, but we do have to consider it in everyday life to some degree. We can't know when the last time we will see a person will be, or the last time we will do a particular activity, or even the last time we will take a breath will be. The only thing we can know for certain is that we are alive now and what our feelings are now. We have to strive to live our lives and be satisfied and have no regrets. Regret is the one thing often unable to be remedied.

Tonight

Tonight was good.  I feel very good to have reconnected with my friend.  We were like sisters, which probably explains the fighting like sisters.  I think we will be fine.  We both realize our mistakes and are willing to move past them and be there for each other.  I'm very optimistic about it.

I am; however, not feeling like myself.  I can't shake it.  I wish I knew what to do to get myself back.

Reconnecting - An Update in the Life of Jennifer

We all know in life people come and people go.  Recently I've experienced both, actually just within this week. 

I had a friend contact me, to whom I had not spoken in several months.  We had a terrible fight and now are trying to make amends.  It is nice for someone you love to come back into your life and try to work out differences.  Tonight we are going to have dinner and talk.


I won't go into details about the loss of another friend, but needless to say I'm pretty upset about it.  It's hard when a person you care for leaves your life...


This evening will be a good night I hope.  Reconnecting...Disconnecting...it's all a part of learning and living. 

VRHH Chapter 2 And More

The entire 2nd chapter of VRHH has been posted on the Short Stories page, as well as more poetry on the poetry page and more commentary on the commentary page. 

Picture of Bowling!

Here is a picture of me and the guys at the bowling event. 

OK...I Have a Hard Time...

Believing that hiking, sweating or any of the above would be better than sex!  I'm pretty sure there isn't much that is better than sex (not sure what that says about me :))  I read this article which describes natural highs and such and one person describes these experiences as better than sex.  I'd have to say I prefer the sex. :)

I'm Bringing Sexy Back!

OK, so perhaps I'm exaggerating; however, I continued my workout today. Yes, I got my lazy butt up on Sunday morning and did some cardio. I'm ALREADY starting to see some results. There is no major sign of it yet; however, I have noticed a slight tightening in my abs and I've noticed a slight bit of definition in my thighs. I also finally get how to do that whole pull your navel back into your spine as if someone was pulling it with a string, no sucking in, no holding your breath thing! It's very exciting. So yes, I'm bringing sexy back, look out Justin Timberlake! :P (Wait, did I just admit to knowing that song and who sings it in my public blog?)

Bowling Night - An Update in the Life of Jennifer

Last night was bowling night with my work peeps. Our new manager from Ohio was there and we were all consuming some adult beverages (with the exception of 2 of the peeps). We actually bowled pretty well, although I will admit my second game really really sucked seeing as how by the end of that game I was pretty buzzed. We got our new manager to do a few very entertaining dance moves and a good time was had by all. After the bowling we all went and sat in the bar for a bit. Some of the people we knew on other teams also came and sat with us. I wish I had bowled better, but it was fun and I guess that is what really counts anyhow. I think our new manager jinxed me when he made comments about how well I was bowling. How dare he!!!

New Posts!

A new poem has been posted and a small sneak preview of the next chapter in VRHH has also been posted!

New Blog Design!

Starting today, I will have separate blogs for the type of blog I am posting. I have created Pele's Fire - Poetry; Pele's Fire - Commentary; and Pele's Fire - Short Stories. I think they are pretty self explanatory, but just in case, Commentary will be for my (mostly) political commentary, Poetry for my poems, and Short Stories for my stories (including the VRHH blogs).

I will be using this main page to post updates in my life, updates with the blog, and general stuff that doesn't fit into the other categories.

Happy reading!

J

The Return to Exercise: An Update in the Life of Jennifer

Tonight I returned to exercise. I've decided I'm going to work out every day. I meant to get up this morning and work out; however, I couldn't sleep last night and was up past 1 AM, so I couldn't get up early enough. I came home this evening and decided to do some cardio. 30 minutes is all I could do. Apparently I'm not very "in shape." But I was proud to have made it through 30 minutes without dying. My legs are like jell-o but other than that I'm good. I hope to get up tomorrow morning and do some Pilates and get my abs in shape. I'm going to look fabulous when I'm done and hopefully feel 100 X better than I do right now. I'm hoping to use Pilates and my upcoming Yoga class for college to get back to being focused in meditation. These days I can't focus to meditate for anything. The cardio is to help me burn the jell-o and look like a million bucks while making my heart and body healthier, which, I believe, will in turn my my mind healthier. I'm lost these days. I need to find where I've gone. I'm carrying around extremely negative energy and in turn I find that I'm simply unhappy. I know that there are things in my life which contribute to my negative feelings, but I have to find a way to tune them out.

So wish me luck!

Proper Orientation, Abnormal Psych, and a Photo

This evening I was officially oriented at Texas State. I'm an official student! I registered for an abnormal psych class that meets on Tuesday evenings. I was assigned a Texas State e-mail address. Then they took a picture of my for my student ID. Of course I blinked and another time she took the picture without telling me and so i wasn't facing the right way and so basically they had to take the picture 3 times. That should not surprise anyone who knows me. Of course the girls taking the photo and I were laughing at it all. Then I decided to jam out in my car on the way home, which apparently amused the guy next to me at a light. I, of course, was not embarrassed. I was pretty sure that my crazy dancing would amuse someone, so I just laughed and waved. I'm ever the clown. The sad thing was that the song playing on the radio was another one bites the dust. Now, why I felt the need to listen to that rather than change the radio is beyond me, but it just seemed like the right song for the moment.

Now I'm home, still working on Chapter 1 of VRHH. In Chapter one we learn some interesting things about the neighbors. :)

And the Grade is...

A 97!! I actually made an A on my paper. What a relief.

Now I'm sick. I have a cold or something that is hitting me really hard and I'm losing my voice (I'm sure some of you who read my blog find that to be exciting :P). So now instead of actually doing stuff this weekend I'm curling up in bed with my Matt Taibbi and relaxing.

Last night was strange. We had fallen asleep with the television on and at one point in the night it was turning off and on, all by itself and that woke me up. At first I thought it was a power brownout or something, but none of the clocks were flashing which is usually what happens when we have a power outage, even if just a brownout. I have no idea. More VRHH I suppose. I will be writing my VRHH stories. It should be interesting. :)

Done...at last...

I finally finished the research paper. I'm not sure if it can be categorized among my best work, but such is life.

Now I am reading Matt Taibbi's book The Great Derangement: A Terrifying True Story of War, Politics, & Religion at the Twilight of the American Empire. Have I mentioned that I adore Matt Taibbi? He is very insightful, yet humorous and he doesn't hold anything back, be it Republican or Democrat.

Change of subject....

The Voodoo Rental House of Horrors stories should begin as soon as I have a moment to breathe. I have finished my class; however, do not have much time until my 3 classes will start next semester. Fortunately for me, one of my classes is only a 1 credit hour class and it is Yoga and I will enjoy that. I need something to assist me with relaxation and having done a bit of Yoga in the past, I find that it is almost always helpful for relaxation.

I know I have a lot going on in my life which makes me stressed, but I truly do feel down both physically, emotionally and mentally right now. It is hard to describe and for people to understand. I have been feeling lonely, like a piece of me is missing. It's hard to feel that way and not know what to do to fix it.

Almost Done!!! (And Other Tales From the Life of Jennifer

I am so close to being done now with my paper I can taste it! (no I haven't been licking the computer....) I have 7 1/2 pages. I'm going back and putting in some quotes and some material from some sources to back up my assertions about the novel and then sweet victory I'm done!

I was hoping to finish tonight since the paper is due tomorrow and all, but I'm not sure it is possible. I'm exhausted and at this point my brain isn't working at full capacity. Working all day and then writing all evening is tough business, especially when I'm just not in the mood for it.

Right now I'm eating some fudge, listening to One Republic's "Apologize." The song says "It's too late to apologize." I sometimes wonder what it might take for it to be too late for someone to apologize to me. I've been notoriously a doormat for a good portion of my life, believing too often that when someone says something meaningful to me that they actually mean it. Far too often I'm disappointed to find out that the words or the gesture meant more to me than it meant to the other person/people. Then to top it off I'm generally pretty forgiving which ends up in people repeating their actions over and over until I finally can't take it anymore. I tell myself that people are always going to disappoint me and I am always going to disappoint someone else, but what makes the difference is the ability to forgive someone and learn from it. Unfortunately not everyone feels this way. Through the years I've become less and less trusting and more and more cynical. I think that happens to a lot of us. So, when is it too late to apologize? I don't know. I guess it depends on the person involved and the sincerity of the apology. I do think that a demonstrated change in behavior has to follow the apology. A person can say they are sorry over and over again, but if they keep doing the hurtful things that caused them to need to apologize in the first place, how can they really be sorry? I will always be who I am and that includes forgiveness, that includes love, that includes feeling, but not if it means I have to be a doormat. We all have to be somewhat selfish to survive. Like everything else in life, it is a balance.

Home Again

I spent the evening with my brother and sister-in-law, nieces, nephews, mom, daughter, son, and husband. My brother just purchased a new home (only seconds away from my soon to be new house) and I decided to cook them a dinner to break in their new kitchen as they are tired from moving and plus yesterday was their wedding anniversary. I had forgotten what it was like to prepare such an involved meal. I made 3 different kinds of homemade enchiladas, some beans and some rice. I helped them clean up and just got home. Their new home is beautiful and I know they are very proud of it. The kids are having a great time. I can only hope things go as smoothly for me in a few months.

I don't know if it is the insomnia or the knowledge that every minute I spent away from my house was another minute I wasn't using to finish up my class work, but I felt very detached. It wasn't that I was not having a good time or anything like that. I can't describe what it was. I wish that I could. I've felt like that a lot lately. It's not a feeling that is overly foreign to me. Most of my life I've felt like I don't belong in just about every place and situation, but usually not when talking with my family (well at least not with the family members that were present tonight anyhow). I only wish I could figure out why I always feel that way, but after 28 years the cause still eludes me. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has ever felt alone and detached in rooms full of people; however, I wish that I could figure it out.

On a brighter note, I have not fallen down the stairs anymore and I'm very close to finishing my research paper (about 3-4 more pages left to go) and I'm almost ready to take the final test. Also, I'm off work tomorrow. :) That's it for now. I will have more another time. Plenty of poetry left to write.

Very Funny Thing a Friend Sent Me...

http://drhorrible.com/

very funny....Joss Whedon does it again...

Jennifer v. Sleeping Pills...The Next Day

Well the sleeping pills eventually won. My insomnia tried to fight them off, but lost the battle. Today I feel as though I've risen from the grave. Perhaps I have?

Jennifer v. Sleeping Pills...Round 1

So after my fall down the stairs last night, I decided that I need desperately to get some actual sleep. I took an Ambien in hopes of accomplishing this. I have had Ambien before. They gave me 2 when I had false labor when I was pregnant with Julien. That effectively knocked me out for a day. This time I just took one. So, Round 1...will it go to Jennifer's insomnia, or to the Ambien...we shall see :)

Everyone Else is Doing it...Why Can't I?

Ok.. so i've done myspace...facebook etc etc....figured i try the blog. I know lots of people who have blogs and hey why not...To explain....I have a fascination with Pele. Pele is a Hawaiian fire goddess and also the subject of a Tori Amos song and in the name of one of her albums....thus my blog, Pele's fire (i'm sure you're thinking, oh now i get it.."you've never seen fire until you've seen Pele blow")

I look forward to possibly having insight that no one cares to read anyhow :)