The Blues

Well the time has finally come for my daughter to start Kindergarten.  I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, but to me it is a symbol of her growing independence (yes i DO see a symbol in almost everything).  It also marks the first of her school years, which we all know fly by before our eyes.  It is funny what events seem to trigger these thoughts.  I signed her up for school.  I bought her school supplies.  I even took her to meet her teacher last night at a little orientation.  But the thing that set me off today was simple:  Her last day of preschool.  Sure she'll be going to the same daycare for after school care, but today was the day they had their going away celebration.  I was not able to attend the celebration, but it wasn't the celebration itself that did it to me.  No, it was about 45 minutes ago that my daughter did something that got me.  We were standing outside, looking at some flowers when she goes to her daddy's car telling me she has something to show me.  She opens the door and goes inside and pops back out a couple of seconds later.  In her hands is the "About Me" poster that has hung in her various rooms at daycare since she was about 2 years old.  On it are pictures of her with me, with her cousins, with her dad and just her all by herself.  I am looking at those pictures, never to be hung on the daycare wall again, and realize also that she'll never be that age again.  I know that kids grow up, people get older, people die, but knowing that and sometimes being actually aware of it are two different things. 

I am sure that her years in school will be good for her.  I also know that it will be nice to one day not have to be so tied down as you are when you are the parent of small children, but nonetheless, it is hard to watch them, right before your eyes in what seems like the blink of an eye, grow up and start becoming their own person.  I am sure I'll go through it all again when my son grows up, but I guess that's just part of being a mother.  You have the bittersweet experience of watching the baby you held in your arms, tiny and helpless, grow into an independent adult.  All we can hope is that we've given them the tools and the skills to make their lives into what they want them to be and the rest is up to them. 

Here's to all the moms out there who see their child moving on to this next phase of life and feel a little helpless.  We are somewhat helpless in the game of life, but it is still what we make it and our children are a product of our experiences and their own.