Almost Done!!! (And Other Tales From the Life of Jennifer

I am so close to being done now with my paper I can taste it! (no I haven't been licking the computer....) I have 7 1/2 pages. I'm going back and putting in some quotes and some material from some sources to back up my assertions about the novel and then sweet victory I'm done!

I was hoping to finish tonight since the paper is due tomorrow and all, but I'm not sure it is possible. I'm exhausted and at this point my brain isn't working at full capacity. Working all day and then writing all evening is tough business, especially when I'm just not in the mood for it.

Right now I'm eating some fudge, listening to One Republic's "Apologize." The song says "It's too late to apologize." I sometimes wonder what it might take for it to be too late for someone to apologize to me. I've been notoriously a doormat for a good portion of my life, believing too often that when someone says something meaningful to me that they actually mean it. Far too often I'm disappointed to find out that the words or the gesture meant more to me than it meant to the other person/people. Then to top it off I'm generally pretty forgiving which ends up in people repeating their actions over and over until I finally can't take it anymore. I tell myself that people are always going to disappoint me and I am always going to disappoint someone else, but what makes the difference is the ability to forgive someone and learn from it. Unfortunately not everyone feels this way. Through the years I've become less and less trusting and more and more cynical. I think that happens to a lot of us. So, when is it too late to apologize? I don't know. I guess it depends on the person involved and the sincerity of the apology. I do think that a demonstrated change in behavior has to follow the apology. A person can say they are sorry over and over again, but if they keep doing the hurtful things that caused them to need to apologize in the first place, how can they really be sorry? I will always be who I am and that includes forgiveness, that includes love, that includes feeling, but not if it means I have to be a doormat. We all have to be somewhat selfish to survive. Like everything else in life, it is a balance.