Proper Orientation, Abnormal Psych, and a Photo

This evening I was officially oriented at Texas State. I'm an official student! I registered for an abnormal psych class that meets on Tuesday evenings. I was assigned a Texas State e-mail address. Then they took a picture of my for my student ID. Of course I blinked and another time she took the picture without telling me and so i wasn't facing the right way and so basically they had to take the picture 3 times. That should not surprise anyone who knows me. Of course the girls taking the photo and I were laughing at it all. Then I decided to jam out in my car on the way home, which apparently amused the guy next to me at a light. I, of course, was not embarrassed. I was pretty sure that my crazy dancing would amuse someone, so I just laughed and waved. I'm ever the clown. The sad thing was that the song playing on the radio was another one bites the dust. Now, why I felt the need to listen to that rather than change the radio is beyond me, but it just seemed like the right song for the moment.

Now I'm home, still working on Chapter 1 of VRHH. In Chapter one we learn some interesting things about the neighbors. :)

And the Grade is...

A 97!! I actually made an A on my paper. What a relief.

Now I'm sick. I have a cold or something that is hitting me really hard and I'm losing my voice (I'm sure some of you who read my blog find that to be exciting :P). So now instead of actually doing stuff this weekend I'm curling up in bed with my Matt Taibbi and relaxing.

Last night was strange. We had fallen asleep with the television on and at one point in the night it was turning off and on, all by itself and that woke me up. At first I thought it was a power brownout or something, but none of the clocks were flashing which is usually what happens when we have a power outage, even if just a brownout. I have no idea. More VRHH I suppose. I will be writing my VRHH stories. It should be interesting. :)

Done...at last...

I finally finished the research paper. I'm not sure if it can be categorized among my best work, but such is life.

Now I am reading Matt Taibbi's book The Great Derangement: A Terrifying True Story of War, Politics, & Religion at the Twilight of the American Empire. Have I mentioned that I adore Matt Taibbi? He is very insightful, yet humorous and he doesn't hold anything back, be it Republican or Democrat.

Change of subject....

The Voodoo Rental House of Horrors stories should begin as soon as I have a moment to breathe. I have finished my class; however, do not have much time until my 3 classes will start next semester. Fortunately for me, one of my classes is only a 1 credit hour class and it is Yoga and I will enjoy that. I need something to assist me with relaxation and having done a bit of Yoga in the past, I find that it is almost always helpful for relaxation.

I know I have a lot going on in my life which makes me stressed, but I truly do feel down both physically, emotionally and mentally right now. It is hard to describe and for people to understand. I have been feeling lonely, like a piece of me is missing. It's hard to feel that way and not know what to do to fix it.

Almost Done!!! (And Other Tales From the Life of Jennifer

I am so close to being done now with my paper I can taste it! (no I haven't been licking the computer....) I have 7 1/2 pages. I'm going back and putting in some quotes and some material from some sources to back up my assertions about the novel and then sweet victory I'm done!

I was hoping to finish tonight since the paper is due tomorrow and all, but I'm not sure it is possible. I'm exhausted and at this point my brain isn't working at full capacity. Working all day and then writing all evening is tough business, especially when I'm just not in the mood for it.

Right now I'm eating some fudge, listening to One Republic's "Apologize." The song says "It's too late to apologize." I sometimes wonder what it might take for it to be too late for someone to apologize to me. I've been notoriously a doormat for a good portion of my life, believing too often that when someone says something meaningful to me that they actually mean it. Far too often I'm disappointed to find out that the words or the gesture meant more to me than it meant to the other person/people. Then to top it off I'm generally pretty forgiving which ends up in people repeating their actions over and over until I finally can't take it anymore. I tell myself that people are always going to disappoint me and I am always going to disappoint someone else, but what makes the difference is the ability to forgive someone and learn from it. Unfortunately not everyone feels this way. Through the years I've become less and less trusting and more and more cynical. I think that happens to a lot of us. So, when is it too late to apologize? I don't know. I guess it depends on the person involved and the sincerity of the apology. I do think that a demonstrated change in behavior has to follow the apology. A person can say they are sorry over and over again, but if they keep doing the hurtful things that caused them to need to apologize in the first place, how can they really be sorry? I will always be who I am and that includes forgiveness, that includes love, that includes feeling, but not if it means I have to be a doormat. We all have to be somewhat selfish to survive. Like everything else in life, it is a balance.

Home Again

I spent the evening with my brother and sister-in-law, nieces, nephews, mom, daughter, son, and husband. My brother just purchased a new home (only seconds away from my soon to be new house) and I decided to cook them a dinner to break in their new kitchen as they are tired from moving and plus yesterday was their wedding anniversary. I had forgotten what it was like to prepare such an involved meal. I made 3 different kinds of homemade enchiladas, some beans and some rice. I helped them clean up and just got home. Their new home is beautiful and I know they are very proud of it. The kids are having a great time. I can only hope things go as smoothly for me in a few months.

I don't know if it is the insomnia or the knowledge that every minute I spent away from my house was another minute I wasn't using to finish up my class work, but I felt very detached. It wasn't that I was not having a good time or anything like that. I can't describe what it was. I wish that I could. I've felt like that a lot lately. It's not a feeling that is overly foreign to me. Most of my life I've felt like I don't belong in just about every place and situation, but usually not when talking with my family (well at least not with the family members that were present tonight anyhow). I only wish I could figure out why I always feel that way, but after 28 years the cause still eludes me. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has ever felt alone and detached in rooms full of people; however, I wish that I could figure it out.

On a brighter note, I have not fallen down the stairs anymore and I'm very close to finishing my research paper (about 3-4 more pages left to go) and I'm almost ready to take the final test. Also, I'm off work tomorrow. :) That's it for now. I will have more another time. Plenty of poetry left to write.

Very Funny Thing a Friend Sent Me...

http://drhorrible.com/

very funny....Joss Whedon does it again...

Jennifer v. Sleeping Pills...The Next Day

Well the sleeping pills eventually won. My insomnia tried to fight them off, but lost the battle. Today I feel as though I've risen from the grave. Perhaps I have?

Jennifer v. Sleeping Pills...Round 1

So after my fall down the stairs last night, I decided that I need desperately to get some actual sleep. I took an Ambien in hopes of accomplishing this. I have had Ambien before. They gave me 2 when I had false labor when I was pregnant with Julien. That effectively knocked me out for a day. This time I just took one. So, Round 1...will it go to Jennifer's insomnia, or to the Ambien...we shall see :)

Everyone Else is Doing it...Why Can't I?

Ok.. so i've done myspace...facebook etc etc....figured i try the blog. I know lots of people who have blogs and hey why not...To explain....I have a fascination with Pele. Pele is a Hawaiian fire goddess and also the subject of a Tori Amos song and in the name of one of her albums....thus my blog, Pele's fire (i'm sure you're thinking, oh now i get it.."you've never seen fire until you've seen Pele blow")

I look forward to possibly having insight that no one cares to read anyhow :)